O shy maiden -- it has become obvious that it is incumbent upon I, Gilgamesh, to educate your chaste mind upon the ways of love. Do not fear, for upon this topic I am the most knowledgeable sage of the Earth.
Though this is also true of many other topics, for I have attained wisdom from gazing upon the deep. Yet that is a digression.
[ so anyway he will just be reaching into his vault and procuring a certain very not-safe-for-work object and clicking SEND THE_KINGS_TREASURE.JPEG.
... well, maybe it is just gilded, not pure gold. one hopes, anyway. but you never know. ]
Behold, and rejoice in your newfound knowledge! For this is such a device as you have inquired of.
Need I explain the purpose? With such an object, you may properly prepare and irrigate the fertile crescent of your womanhood for the robust girth of your lord husband's scepter.
Though... it is also the case that some women use them independent of a lover's passions. A man, too, might gain some enjoyment from such things, if open-minded. There are many more, and I can explain at greater length on each and the uses thereof, for my knowledge base exceeds the limits of heaven.
[ Guh. She really doesn't want for him to be the one to give an explanation, but she is too curious. Guess this will have to do. It could be worse, Ishtar could have been the one to do it.
Have I so greatly amazed the two of you as to render you both into a state of incoherent and incandescent joy?
Of course, that is exactly as it should be -- the innocent maiden of Kur and the golden sheep, both enthralled by the wisdom of the greatest of all legendary Kings. Knowing that I have enhanced your lives so does also please me somewhat as well, for this is as it should be.
[ it's such a shame he does not send all his laughter through the text, as he knows how much better this would make all his words! hearing a King's magnificent proclamations... alas that they must settle for mere glyphs on a screen... ]
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
no subject
Though this is also true of many other topics, for I have attained wisdom from gazing upon the deep. Yet that is a digression.
[ so anyway he will just be reaching into his vault and procuring a certain very not-safe-for-work object and clicking SEND THE_KINGS_TREASURE.JPEG.
... well, maybe it is just gilded, not pure gold.
one hopes, anyway. but you never know.]Behold, and rejoice in your newfound knowledge! For this is such a device as you have inquired of.
Need I explain the purpose? With such an object, you may properly prepare and irrigate the fertile crescent of your womanhood for the robust girth of your lord husband's scepter.
Though... it is also the case that some women use them independent of a lover's passions. A man, too, might gain some enjoyment from such things, if open-minded. There are many more, and I can explain at greater length on each and the uses thereof, for my knowledge base exceeds the limits of heaven.
1/6
Anyway, what's that picture he just sen- ]
2/6
3/6
4/6
????? ????? ????? ????? ????? ????? ????? ????? ????? ????? ????? ????? ????? ?????
????? ????? ????? ????? ????? ????? ????? ????? ????? ????? ????? ????? ????? ?????
????? ????? ????? ????? ????? ????? ????? ????? ????? ????? ????? ????? ????? ????? ]
5/6
6/6
you-you are an absolute deviant, king of uruk (:angry_kaomoji4:)
how d-dare you send such an undignified thing to the goddess of the underworld (:angry_kaomoji7)
wait dumuzid that's not how you are supposed to send kaomojis
and why are you writing my stutters
no stop don't write that
what are you doing i am talking to you right now
i am no longer dictating for you to send that to gilgamesh
stop it stop it stop it
if you don't stop now im going to stazedzfreing gerzgjiejepofz gtbggrgvrr
[ Thank you for your patience as the queen of the underworld wrestles her phone back from the most incompetent golden sheep ever. ]
no subject
Of course, that is exactly as it should be -- the innocent maiden of Kur and the golden sheep, both enthralled by the wisdom of the greatest of all legendary Kings. Knowing that I have enhanced your lives so does also please me somewhat as well, for this is as it should be.
[ it's such a shame he does not send all his laughter through the text, as he knows how much better this would make all his words! hearing a King's magnificent proclamations... alas that they must settle for mere glyphs on a screen... ]
no subject
[ It took a good five minutes before Ereshkigal finally sent that message. ]
All paths lead to me, King of Heroes!! o(*≧д≦)o))
You may rejoice in your victory today, but I shall have the last laugh as your soul ends up in a cage at my complete mercy ヽ(ˇヘˇ)ノ
Perhaps I will even offer you to Ishtar as a gesture of peace (¬_¬ )